Mine.

There is always a little sweet spot in our heart for some people. The special ones from the myriad collage that makes up our lives. Old friends, friends you met only once, people who were such an integral part of your lives that you forgot all about their value, the shared mischievousness, the family bonds. Also, relationships that were not meant to be or will never be. As the years go by, sometimes even after things go bad, don't work out or maybe don't even really begin, they leave behind little pieces of memories that make you smile. Bitter-sweet as the smile may be, this is my journey through the smiles and (in this case), the men who made them!

A long, long time ago there was this girl who had the devil as her personal adviser. She was always the little perfect child in the presence of elders, but when in the company of her peers, the devil was let loose. Great many children were beaten up in the battles for food, game-time supremacy, kites, toys and attention. And then, a prince walked into the warzone, ready to face her. They clashed and fought, but realized that the whole was greater than the sum of its parts. So together, they ran headlong into mischief, co-conspirators against the boring world of the parents. Together they became teenagers, and discovered the first bloom of romance. Alas, the evil world of studies and Board exams interfered. The first bloom remained exactly that, and life went on.

Her travels took this girl to a new city where she was thrown in the midst of these strange big city kids. Too much free time and a love for bike rides got her together with this another guy. So different from her prince, this one was a crazy, unrepentant wild-child. So much potential for so much fun, and the devil told the girl, go live. She did. Even today, it brings an evil, evil smile to her face!

Oh, and then there was the competitor. The guy who wanted to challenge the girl in everything. They got into fistfights at fifteen, and stories abounded in the small town they call home. The girl took the ultimate revenge. She went ahead and charmed his parents. Practice helps!

First day in college. Girl sees a guy with an odd vibe, just lurking around, being unsocial. Somehow, over innumerable cups of chai, classic milds, pegs of varying alcohols and other adventures, they went from being awkward friends to this another plane of friendship. The one where the fact that you didn't really speak for a year and a half does not really matter. You can catch up over 3 days and 3 bottles. Bliss. Thank you, God.

Still in college, the girl meets another guy. This one was highly amused by the girl's attitude - her tendency to be the laziest in a pack of lazy, willingness to fight and propensity for using very colorful language. The exact opposite of what he thought a perfect girlfriend/wife should be. Then he discovered that she was willing to get yummy sweets from her hometown, just for him. Instant magic recipe for an everlasting friendship. Bike rides. Floods. Rainy days. Food. Chai. Alcohol. More bike rides. Gossip. Pretend study sessions. Xerox frenzies. Screaming matches (the girl won). Concern. Affection. A lot of laughter.

A chance online meeting. An instant connection and a decision was made. The girl met this complete stranger, one late evening, in the middle of her exams. Passed those, couldn't pass up on him. Shared a common love for coffee, food, cinema, and exploring their city. Could not tolerate each other's music choices. The girl made him smile, and his smile made her feel like a princess. But if you think they were a boring sweet couple, think again. There was this sparky current between the two, and well, life was very interesting. Though time and tide found its way in between them, an email is all it takes to remember the time the girl scared the daylights out of him. All it took was a bumpy ride on the roads of Goa, with the girl driving the two-wheeler. 

The girl has more stories and more people to write about. She will too, soon.

Shor

I laud the fact that Anna Hazare and his co-workers could exercise their rights for freedom of speech and expression to extol the virtues of the Jan Lokpal Bill. If nothing else, this makes me glad to be an Indian, rather than a citizen of the multitude of countries where the whole gang would have been arrested, and/or executed.


But being a citizen of a democratic republic can be quite a double-edged sword. 


I lament the fact that Anna Hazare could publicly fast for 13 days, and in effect hold the Government at ransom. Call me heartless or unpatriotic, but weighing the wishes of one organization against the actual good of the 1.2 billion people we have does not quite make sense to me. What I do applaud AH & Co. for doing, is bringing the issue of corruption to the fore-front. On a more practical level, does it actually stop people from paying off the policeman, the babu, the clerk, the conductor, buying a movie ticket in black and the other small "chalta hai" corruption we see and actively participate in? Not really. Did the hunger fast make a lasting change on our mindset? I have my humble doubts.


As I understand it, these three demands have been tentatively met: Lokayuktas in every state, citizen's charter in each government department and inclusion of lower bureaucracy under Lokpal, with some others under discussion (I apologize if I misrepresented any facts). My do paisa views on them:


Lokpal/Lokayuktas: To expect one "God-sent" (Anna-sent?) Ombudsman to take care of the corruption that happens everyday around us, is logistically ridiculous. As is the idea that this one authority would be able to dig deep into the lives of our political and bureaucratic elite and reveal the corruption that lies there. So this person would need to be surrounded by staff members, in essence, another bureaucracy. Has anyone thought about running this organization or are we expecting it to materialize out of thin air? Who will elect/select/nominate people for this post? Will we have another election for this, and if so, who will fund it? Also, would will investigate the corruption in the Lokpal's department?


Inclusion of the lower bureaucracy: Many of the same issues as above. We have this whole convoluted, multi-office bureaucratic system. From my experience of trying to work with it, most of it involves corruption, either by money or by "influence". Monitoring the activities of this giant, and handling the complaints that are likely to float in from the public is daunting. Also, the Lokayukta will only investigate the complaints, the trial and prosecution rests in the hands of the over-burdened judicial system. So how does that improve the efficiency of getting an actual result?


Citizen's Charter: Eh? Let me ask you this, as an Indian, the most binding Charter on you is the Constitution of India. Now I don't expect you to know it in any detail, but do you remember maybe the Preamble or the Fundamental Rights and especially the Duties of the Indian citizen? In case this makes you go "of course I do", when did you last actively follow through on any of them? Except use the right to talk and blog, we do that incessantly.


Now that I have finished my rant, I admit that the movement, and the power of the Indian public behind the movement is admirable. What I question is the effect of these on the public, after the shor, the noise has died down. The issue is larger than AH's fast and demands for a Big Brother bill.Tackling corruption by increasing bureaucracy is a self-defeating cycle. Putting the power of the public behind a movement to increase the transparency of the existing babudom may yield better results. Modernizing the way our country is run is important, as is making the government servants accountable for their work. Six sigma and lean management theories, anyone?


For our sake, I hope the whole Lokpal movement brings a positive awakening within the public, within us. But if I can't bribe the Customs official at Mumbai airport, how will I smuggle in the extra iPhone and the bottles of alcohol into the country without paying excise? Quite an ethical conundrum, ain't it? 

Maudlin

Change is the only constant. These are the five much brandished, amazingly clichéd words, meant to comfort ourselves and others about all the funky changes that make our lives as interesting as they are. For me tonight, right now, there is no comfort in hearing these words. Tomorrow may be different, who knows? In the last two months, life as I knew it went spinning. For an almost control freak, this realization is even more scary. None of these changes are unexpected, but since when did anticipating something make it easier to swallow? (;-))

I graduated from a Masters program which embodies "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Since this is not my ghost typing this out, I guess it worked. One of the ritual rings of fire we pass through at KGI is a year long project with a company. To say that my project turned me into a caffeine fueled fiend would not be very wrong. But it was the journey and the people I shared it with that made it amazing. We had our good days and the bad days (and nights), but we rallied. "Blow their socks off" was what we lived by and worked for. Done. Oh, and then we all graduated. No more waking up to urgent team emails, sharing the 'crazy eyes' look, eight hour marathon meetings, late late nights working , driving down to get animal-style In n' Out, or the team's collective eye rolling at Dee's innuendos. Damn, I miss all of that, and all of them.

Graduation time = Family time = Emotional roller-coaster. This reinforced my belief that family is an entity best loved from a distance. That way, its easier to say "I love you" and forgive and forget. Just when things were settling down, it was time to bid adieu. Fast forward to the next few days, and I was back at the airport to say bye to a dear friend who was shifting countries. I don't think I have yet fully absorbed the fact that she is no longer a 25 minute drive away. Her apartment and the long conversations we had together always gave me the peaceful sense of being at home that virtual communication just can't match up to. Fast forward to the next few days, and I was back at the airport to see myself off on a cross-country trip to meet old friends. Conclusion: I am good business for the US aviation industry.

These were also turbulent times for many of my closest friends, and I think we all came through without too many scars. In the true spirit of the drama that my life is, there were some highly charged, emotional revelations. A few relationships were broken, some new ones made and some old ones remain unfixed. Sadness, hope and regret, all in a flux. I gained new perspective on old wounds, and was gifted a pair of rainbow colored glasses to view the world with. True story.

Its wonderfully humbling to realize the emotional strength of people around you. Its also wonderfully depressing to realize that you are not as strong as you imagined yourself to be.

I think I need more vitamins. Plus some Jack and maybe a smoke.

BART-er thoughts

Why do we make "friends"? Man is a social animal, agreed, but why are so many emotions involved in a friendship? There is all this love, joy, anger, jealousy, with some shine and glitter sprinkled around. Yes, we need people to talk to, share stuff with and just hang out, but why do we have a need to invest in them? Apologies for the multitude of frivolous sounding questions, but hang on and help me understand.

Psychological studies say that if a person can't form friendships they lose the ability to connect with society, and gain a label: misanthrope. Society frowns upon a person who has only casual acquaintances and relationships. You think not? Think about a girl who does only one night stands, and the label that comes to your mind! Not very polite, were you? I wasn't, at-least not initially.

To me, it appears that a vital element of friendship (or any relationship, for that matter) is reciprocity, the act of responding to a positive action with another. Simply said, its like give and take, without which very few relationships survive. So is friendship really about being selfless and all such other lovely "goodness of my heart" emotions? Or is it a barter, with strings attached? Me thinks its about being comfortable enough with a person that the act of reciprocity becomes effortless. In essence, a sugarcoated barter! 

All of this leads me back to my original thought - if we can conduct business as a barter, why isn't the relationship of friendship the same way, minus the messy emotions? 

Help.

---

Riding the BART in SF always makes me think strange. This is what happens when one of the announcements you hear is "Don't use your child's pram as a doorstop". If a parent-child relationship is one of give and take, what isn't?

Contribution!

http://mimiandeunice.com/2011/02/01/contribution/

Time flies!

I had a set of scribbles and drafts from the past months, which I decided to condense into the CliffsNotes version(s) of multiple posts, with my retrospective thoughts!


November:

Diwali time! Another Diwali in the land where you are legally prohibited from bursting fire-crackers except when you can. The child inside me wanted to rebel so bad it was almost painful. The adult part just smiled a serene(?) smile and spoke about the need to reduce pollution. I am looking forward to attending the Euphoria concert and my first Los Angeles Lakers game. Go Kobe!


PS: The Euphoria concert was an unique experience. A small crowd of about 250-300 people, mostly Indians, a high energy band, listening to old favorite songs, standing on my seat and singing out aloud, overall pretty darn good! The game was predictive - Lakers had to win! For those in the know, and wanting to challenge my wisdom, they were playing GSW. Its a moot point - Go Lakers, all the way!


December:

Mumbai in 5 days. Home in a few days. It is a feeling that has not completely sunken in yet. I am looking forward to the sights and sounds of my absolutely favorite city. Getting to see my family and friends after a long while is exciting, and somewhat scary. What changed, what did not? I am definitely not looking forward to the customary "she has changed after going to America...." dialogues and the like. Also there is a marathon struggle to get done with (too much) school work before the vacation can begin; and that's the reason why I am writing a blog instead of a report.


There is something beautifully alluring about those then-common, now-special things which beckon to me so temptingly. They say "come home to us" - the simple pleasures of having chai at a tapri, with a garam cheese toast butter with extra chutney, company of old friends over old monk+coke and papad in the as creepily welcoming as ever Nimantran. Train rides with the breeze of the Vashi creek in my face, going to Colaba and having the freedom to bargain my way out, a cold Kingfisher, eating pizza from Joey's, coffee at my Juhu Barista, a walk along the beach, meeting school friends - those special people who keep me centered, meeting the newest members of my extended family; a very fast, very long ride on my Dio, and more. India, brace yourself - here I come!


PS: Those 21 days at home made me realize - time flies. It was a rude slap in the face, but brought along the comfort of knowing, for certain, that some people, some relationships and some places do not change. I don't want to imply that they are in status quo, but just that their essence does not change. I am quite sure that I have seen this before, but I guess this is a lifelong learning? Or maybe I like my illusions too much? Whatever, don't know.


January: 

Dee has faced a grand realization: Home is where there are no "well-wishers." Absolutely no one who is concerned about my life, career, marriage and child-bearing potential. Home is where I are comfortable with myself, and not under a highly judgmental microscope to be dissected by society at large.


I missed my Claremont "family" and was surprisingly happy/excited to be back here. Maybe time flew by too much, too fast and I lost my place in Mumbai/Ajmer in the larger scheme of things. I will take help from the wise - "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France

Seahorses and empty houses

What does a seahorse symbolize?

In the last couple of weeks, I have been asked this question often. After my diligent Internet search, I believe the answer is that a seahorse represents an independent, free spirit; unattached and untethered. Yet, seahorses have a strong protective instinct towards their family! Going by this, seahorses and I are a perfect match, and for that I am glad!

It has been a while since I felt like writing just for myself. Whatever writing energy I had in the past two months has been directed towards reports, plans and exams. Hey, I am a student, and I have the right to bitch about it! But there is definitely something about the Halloween weekend.This post celebrates just about a year of writing for me, and I am glad to have stumbled into the blogosphere. The blogging experience has often been like talking to the *imaginary* friend. The idea that someone may read what I am saying and understand what I am feeling is quite liberating, and exhilarating! Oh yeah, and it is often very scary! But somehow, its working out for me.

So what has changed in a year? A lot, but definitely not enough. Did I change? Yes, I learnt that I should know how to pick my battles. Like the prayer goes (read below), I hope I have learned that fighting a one sided battle for some things does not really help. I love a good fight, but indifference? That just pulls me down and I am not going there anymore. In no way does this mean that I run from my fights, but it just limits the resources I put in them. I don't know about gaining graceful acceptance (actually I have been told I pretty much suck at that, at last check); but, well, hopefully I have time left still. 

There is something about an empty house with a sleeping cat who refuses to acknowledge my presence, and also refuses to leave that makes me write. A year ago, it was a house with two roommates sleeping inside.

Nothing really changes, does it?

For anyone who is interested, this is the (commonly accepted) original version of the Serenity Prayer:

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.


Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as He did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next."