Friday, May 27, 2011

BART-er thoughts

Why do we make "friends"? Man is a social animal, agreed, but why are so many emotions involved in a friendship? There is all this love, joy, anger, jealousy, with some shine and glitter sprinkled around. Yes, we need people to talk to, share stuff with and just hang out, but why do we have a need to invest in them? Apologies for the multitude of frivolous sounding questions, but hang on and help me understand.

Psychological studies say that if a person can't form friendships they lose the ability to connect with society, and gain a label: misanthrope. Society frowns upon a person who has only casual acquaintances and relationships. You think not? Think about a girl who does only one night stands, and the label that comes to your mind! Not very polite, were you? I wasn't, at-least not initially.

To me, it appears that a vital element of friendship (or any relationship, for that matter) is reciprocity, the act of responding to a positive action with another. Simply said, its like give and take, without which very few relationships survive. So is friendship really about being selfless and all such other lovely "goodness of my heart" emotions? Or is it a barter, with strings attached? Me thinks its about being comfortable enough with a person that the act of reciprocity becomes effortless. In essence, a sugarcoated barter! 

All of this leads me back to my original thought - if we can conduct business as a barter, why isn't the relationship of friendship the same way, minus the messy emotions? 

Help.


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Riding the BART in SF always makes me think strange. This is what happens when one of the announcements you hear is "Don't use your child's pram as a doorstop". If a parent-child relationship is one of give and take, what isn't?
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35 comments:

  1. Brijender SinghMay 27, 2011 at 8:38 AM

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  2. Sidra SayeedMay 27, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Haha Brijender seems to have caught my pulse on this one. For me the basis of most relationships is purity and love. And purity for me is absolute. So inescapably relationships are devoid of barter!

    I do sound like an idealist here and perhaps such thoughts don’t always work well for everyone but if we believe in something the least we can do is to try and stay true to its meaning.

    For example: I wouldn’t know of your blog or you if you didn’t comment on my blog but since then I visit yours not because I am obligated to but because I want to. It isn’t the ‘you scratch my back and I, yours’ scenario.

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  3. Brijender SinghMay 27, 2011 at 9:11 AM

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  4. Sidra SayeedMay 27, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    Yours and mine. I don't claim to be entirely selfless, rather believe to have a more mortal-like stance wherein I 'Try'.
    You'd concur?

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  5. Brijender SinghMay 27, 2011 at 9:31 AM

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  6. missydeeJune 5, 2011 at 11:57 PM

    In any good relationship, I am sure that we want to do things for the other person. But for how long can we do it if there is no reciprocation from the other side?

    Sidra - Thank you for having a more realistic stance. I appreciate both purity and love, but I don't know how long can I live with them if they are just one sided.

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  7. missydeeJune 5, 2011 at 11:58 PM

    PS: Brijender's gibberish + Sidra's gibberish = YOUR co-mingled gibberish? Am I reading something here that may or may not be?

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  8. Sidra SayeedJune 7, 2011 at 6:25 AM

    Dee for your first comment I'm writing a post in collaboration with Brijender (he doesn't know about it but yes, we are writing a little something to delve further into your question).

    As for your second comment, you're quite the observer....I shall rest my case after one thought: koi pechae hi pad jaye toh insaan kare bhi toh kya kare! ;)

    PS: Brijender are you listening? :P

    PPS: I hope you understand hindi!

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  9. Brijender SinghJune 7, 2011 at 8:41 AM

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  10. Brijender SinghJune 7, 2011 at 8:42 AM

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  11. missydeeJuly 11, 2011 at 2:52 AM

    I am coming back here after another long break!

    @Sidra (Richi???): I am glad my question prodded you to write something, but I am unsure if you posted it. I would love to read!
    PS: Yes, I understand hindi very well, thanks to 12-ish years of being force-fed the subject :)

    @Brijender: Doing what I need to do is all jolly good. Question is, how long will this last unless someone notices or reciprocates?
    PS: Glad to know that you are a tenacious follower.

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  12. Brijender SinghJuly 11, 2011 at 6:36 AM

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  13. missydeeJuly 12, 2011 at 2:07 AM

    My rational brain agrees with you. It is the evil side that keeps asking. Luckily for you, me and the ROW, I tend to be rational.

    Btw, the "tenacious follower" was not really in relation to the blogs/comments. Phir padhiye, iss baar thoda dyaan se! ;)

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  14. Brijender SinghJuly 12, 2011 at 6:21 AM

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  15. missydeeJuly 13, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    You make me laugh, in a nice way.
    ROW = rest of the world. I don't even know since when have terms like this (ROW, APAC, EMEA, other acronyms dividing the world into smaller subdivisions) became a part of my common language!

    Kisi ne likha hai: koi pechae hi pad jaye toh insaan kare bhi toh kya kare! Hence, tenacious follower :)

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  16. Brijender SinghJuly 13, 2011 at 6:37 AM

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  17. missydeeJuly 13, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    Simple enough to resolve:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asia-Pacific
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Europe,_the_Middle_East_and_Africa

    Time and tense are all perception. They flow and ebb, and always leave mark of their passing.

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  18. Brijender SinghJuly 13, 2011 at 8:47 PM

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  19. missydeeJuly 17, 2011 at 6:23 PM

    Dollar uska kutta hai jo usko zyada fayda de sake. Dollar ki duniya mein emaan nahi hai :)

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  20. Brijender SinghJuly 18, 2011 at 10:54 PM

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  21. Brijender SinghJuly 18, 2011 at 11:09 PM

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  22. missydeeJuly 22, 2011 at 1:38 AM

    Pish posh boyo, thou shalt not praise thy own self.

    That aside, I love the writing, but I can honestly say we agree to disagree on that subject. Each to their own view of the luna, and from my side the other side looks dark (same for you, I guess).

    Btw, I just realized this "beauty of their words..." That is sweet of you!

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  23. Brijender SinghJuly 22, 2011 at 2:37 AM

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  24. missydeeJuly 22, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    Its from your own Delectable Delhi post :)

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  25. Brijender SinghJuly 22, 2011 at 9:33 PM

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  26. Brijender SinghJuly 22, 2011 at 10:14 PM

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  27. missydeeJuly 24, 2011 at 3:22 AM

    We have and probably will continue to argue about the intent (Boo to the "Boorish Bombay" part!), I just chose to notice the slight bit of praise there! Rose-tinted glasses you see!

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  28. Brijender SinghJuly 24, 2011 at 4:20 AM

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  29. missydeeJuly 25, 2011 at 12:09 AM

    Boyo, aren't you Bombay obsessed!

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  30. Brijender SinghJuly 25, 2011 at 4:41 AM

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  31. missydeeJuly 26, 2011 at 12:33 AM

    :(
    Last comment, my first post.

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  32. Richi BaidwanAugust 25, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    Dee-Dah_Dum ke liye: http://richibaidwan.blogspot.com/2011/08/free.html

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  33. missydeeAugust 26, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    So, seeing all the updates, I went to see the creative genius of Richi Rich. Then I read the question, get stumped for a minute, feel happy, come back and check if this is indeed what I asked (foolish me!).
    And now I am going back to read the long promised response :)

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  34. Richi BaidwanAugust 27, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    hehehehe

    The background color of your blog should answer the foolish bit ;)

    PS: Each time I come here I feel like having mango sorbet, which proves to take a toll on my plans of wearing a leather jacket and riding a bike before the end of this year! :P

    PPS: In love, are we? ;)

    PPPS: Can't wait to hear more from you, it's been a while and given all the gibberish we've been talking about, I am hoping your head is abuzz with thoughts and ideas!

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  35. missydeeSeptember 2, 2011 at 3:20 AM

    Aha! why is it that there is a food item being discussed between us every couple of posts?

    Also, a request. Could you send over a picture of you in the leather jackets and the biker attitude, when that happens? Did you get your license yet?

    The lovely gibberish is one of my daily sources of entertainment. I think instead of blogging, I comment! Should have something else out soon, maybe stories from weekend adventures :)

    In love? Almost always. Live, love, laugh, remember?

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